How I’d use social media if my job wasn’t social media
Do it for those of us who can’t.
The Substack app is not mentioned in this because I need everyone to keep it and keep reading Embedded. —Kate
New on ICYMI: Ed Zitron came on the pod and proved that, somehow, there is someone who hates AI even more than I do.
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Five years ago, my relationship with technology was at its absolute worst. I was on a constant drip of Twitter and Instagram that shaped how I felt about the world and myself (bad). My sense of reality was skewed by what I consumed on screen, and I spent countless otherwise pleasant days in the throes of emotional turmoil about the world and my career and if anything would ever be good ever again.
As I learned more about OCD and got properly medicated to address it, I saw how my phone had become the ultimate form of reassurance-seeking. Without what other people said or liked or commented informing my decisions, I didn’t trust who I was or how I felt about anything. I genuinely wondered if I would need to change careers, if writing about internet culture was not worth the distress caused by being on the internet.
I started a long process of trying different limits and deleting certain apps and abstaining from online behaviors that would send me down a slippery slope. You can see this playing out in real time through Embedded:
Now I’m about as not on social media as someone can be while still writing about social media, which is to say: still more than I’d like. My daily average screen time on my iPhone is three hours and 42 minutes, which is pretty good—but I’m a laptop girl, and my total screen time cannot be calculated (because it turns out that I, uh, never turned that setting on for my computer). Whatever the number is, it’s not good enough, because I still end each day feeling like:
I won’t be fully logging off any time soon. But in the wake of Vulture’s authoritative investigation in the “clipping economy”—a case against the internet if there ever was one—I’m envious of the people who can opt out of all of this without sacrificing their careers. If I lived in a vacuum, my social media diet would look extremely different.
I’d delete: TikTok and Twitter
In fact, I long ago deleted Twitter, and can tell you that it takes less than two days to stop missing it. It is a cesspool run by a Nazi who has exploited and manipulated the algorithm and all but eliminated any choice you have in the content you see. The algorithm issue is also why I’d delete TikTok. Algorithms in general are black boxes that shape almost all of our cultural narratives, and the passive nature of consuming TikTok means that’s where we are most susceptible to misinformation—sorry, “narrative campaigns.”
I temporarily deleted TikTok a few weeks ago when everyone was making their little jokes about Hantavirus starting the next pandemic, and it was startling how little I missed it. You will not feel out of the loop or even that bored. Viral moments will still make their way to you, and without the option of blacking out and scrolling for an hour, it turns out you just go and do other stuff.
I’d keep: Instagram and Reddit
This is not an endorsement of Instagram, but an acknowledgement that you would feel cut off without it. It has overtaken Facebook as the “proof of life” platform—the first place people look up the person they met at that party or need to contact. Instagram also gives you more control than other platforms over what you see, which, if you continue to snooze suggested posts like I do, is only people whose content you’ve opted-in to (even though their posts appear on your feed in nonsensical order). Important caveat: Don’t ever open the Reels tab (TikTok for boomers).
Reddit is where I get my pop culture news, learn about drama in my neighborhood, find answers to my questions about my cats’ hairballs and why a part of my body hurts the way it does. It’s the first app I open after watching a horror movie with an ambiguous ending or when the new Love Island lineup drops. It’s the most human place online (for better and sometimes for worse).
I’d watch: YouTube
Over the years, I’ve carefully curated my YouTube to form a safe space of gentle vlogs and crafting tutorials. My subscription box is filled with 40 minute-long videos about British women going about their weekends in the countryside, and episodes of Taskmaster. I’ve spent hours catching up on YouTube and I never feel bad after it the way I do with TikTok. As long as you’re not susceptible to clicking on recommended video titles like “The Economy Is Bad Thanks To FEMINISM????” you shouldn’t find yourself falling down any dark rabbit holes.
I’d add: Homepages, RSS feeds, and other methods of intentional consumption
The number one fear people have about cutting back social media is being “out of the loop.” But just because TikTok makes staying in the loop easy by delivering what’s trending directly to your drooling face doesn’t mean all the other ways of keeping up have disappeared. The path out of social media-induced despair is to switch from passive to active consumption—putting yourself in control of what you see online.
This doesn’t entail anything radical. The steps would be too obvious to write out, were it not for the fact that so many of us have stopped taking them. For instance, you can set a homepage like (if you hate yourself) The New York Times. Or have your browser open to a site like the one that picks a Rothko painting to represent your local weather, and get your news through podcasts and newsletters hosted and written by people you trust. (I recently heard from an ICYMI listener who deleted TikTok and instead got Slate Plus to stay informed by listening to all our episodes—wow, what a great idea!) You can set up a Google alert so you only get the headlines you want; my friend Maya has had alerts for “stolen bees,” “possum removed,” and “mascot gun t-shirt” for years. You can join a book club so you’re reading things you wouldn’t normally—and have people to talk about them with.
None of these are groundbreaking ideas on their own, but together they will slowly help you reverse the status quo, re-relegating the internet to a tool instead of our entire reality. Or, your reality. I’m still stuck here (for now).
the internet got worse the moment we stopped choosing what to read and started waiting to be shown things
i’ll add as a way to remain “plugged in” without algorithms: the radio!! for the past couple months i’ve had my car permanently set to kcrw (la’s npr station) so i get the news in little locally tuned drips throughout my day mixed with good music and i love it