It’s me. I’m the person you’re canceling on

The loneliness crisis is self-inflicted.

Embedded is your essential guide to what’s good on the internet, written by Kate Lindsay and edited by Nick Catucci.

When I say “you” I of course don’t mean you. Unless I’m talking about you… —Kate

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Some friends and I went to the New York Public Library for a writing session a few months ago and decided to hit the gift shop as we were leaving. As I tried to decide between a NYPL water bottle and a NYPL lion bust (equally useful items), I found myself in what can only be described as the “bitchy novelty pillow” section. “I came, I saw, I left early,” one read. “I want to be where the people aren’t,” read another. “If you don’t have anything nice to say, come sit by me.” And on, and on, and on.

Then on January 1, writer Sarah Hagi posted this on Twitter: “whats up with that thing people do where they have to do a performance for other adults to prove they are SO TIRED and LOVE GOING HOME EARLY and CANCELLING PLANS?”

There’s clearly something in the air because The Atlantic just published Derek Thompson’s cover story on “the anti-social century,” which explores why Americans are spending more time than ever alone. And last week The Guardian published a piece about the rise in flakiness, with one person interviewed saying, “I have adjusted my mindset so I almost expect 50% of [everyday] social plans not to happen.” (Neither here nor there, but it’s too bad “cancel culture” is taken.)

This behavior, as Thompson explains, is not new. Its rise stretches back to the advent of cars, then television, and finally our phones pushing us further apart. I could go on and on about the consequences of relegating so much of our lives to our phones—turning human connection into a chore and allowing technology to replace the essential “friction” of engaging with other people—but I’ve shouted myself hoarse about that. And frankly that’s not what I’m most concerned about.

The real issue is that it’s me. I’m the person you’re canceling plans on.