My Internet: Scaachi Koul

The writer and podcaster found the secret for spending less time on your phone.

Embedded is your essential guide to what’s good on the internet, written by Kate Lindsay and edited by Nick Catucci.

Every other week we quiz a “very online” person for their essential guide to what’s good on the internet.

Today we welcome Scaachi Koul, a senior writer at Slate, where she recently profiled Lindy West; co-host of the podcast Scamfluencers; and author of One Day We’ll All Be Dead and None of This Will Matter and Sucker Punch. She also writes the newsletter Hater Nation. Scaachi believes there’s nothing greater than the comment section on TikTok and tries to avoid internet discourse, especially if she’s involved in it. —Nick

“The more sex you have, the less you’re on your phone. I’m really not on my phone that much.”

EMBEDDED: What’s a recent meme or post that made you laugh?

SCAACHI KOUL: There’s this horrible, horrible man named Nathan Hare—he’s a comedian who makes these wretched videos pretending (I hope???) to be the worst guy you have ever met. His videos always make me laugh and then, immediately, vomit. I’m nauseated just thinking about them.

EMBEDDED: What do you use Instagram for?

SCAACHI KOUL: Ego management.

EMBEDDED: What types of videos do you watch on YouTube?

SCAACHI KOUL: Old Intervention episodes, stand-up clips, late-night talk show appearances, compilations from The Graham Norton Show, news broadcasts, white influencers eating Indian food for the first time which my father will not stop watching and then sending to me.

EMBEDDED: What do you like about TikTok? What do you dislike?

SCAACHI KOUL: Nothing greater than the comment section on TikTok. I can’t believe how funny people are in there, how jokes somehow carry from one comment section into another unrelated one, and it’s completely unreplicable on any other site. “Did the journal factory explode?” remains one of the funniest rejoinders I’ve ever seen on the internet.

The bad part of TikTok is, I think, coming in your next question.

EMBEDDED: Are you concerned by the claims of censorship that some users have made since TikTok was taken over by investors led by Larry Ellison, an ally of President Trump?

SCAACHI KOUL: Right, yes.

EMBEDDED: Where do you tend to get your news?

SCAACHI KOUL: Reddit, The Shade Room, peering over the shoulders of people reading Apple News alerts on the subway.

EMBEDDED: How do you keep up with the online discourse? How important is it to you to do this?

SCAACHI KOUL: I try to avoid it, especially if I’m involved in it.

EMBEDDED: What are your favorite newsletters?

SCAACHI KOUL: Ask Polly, Bitches Gotta Eat, Deez Links.

EMBEDDED: What, if anything, is there to learn from the popularity of the looksmaxxing trend and influencers like Clavicular?

SCAACHI KOUL: Men are so weak that we have to make up words like “looksmaxxing” and “mogging” and “optimization” just to get you fucking losers to take care of yourselves.

EMBEDDED: Do you have any advice for people who use sports betting apps or prediction markets?

SCAACHI KOUL: Get a grip.

EMBEDDED: Have you found Claude, ChatGPT, or any other AI tools useful? How so?

SCAACHI KOUL: I’ve never used any of these and somehow have managed to make grocery lists and book several trips and write my little articles just fine. You needed AI for that? How embarrassing for you.

EMBEDDED: Are smartphones bad for us? Where do you fall on the Jonathan Haidt-Taylor Lorenz divide?

SCAACHI KOUL: Anything is bad for you if you make it your entire world. People who refuse to learn how to maneuver a smartphone are as incapable of moving through the world as people who are getting 18 hours of screentime a day.

EMBEDDED: Do you try to limit your phone use? If so, what methods have been helpful for this?

SCAACHI KOUL: The more sex you have, the less you’re on your phone. I’m really not on my phone that much.

EMBEDDED: What’s something that you have observed about the online behavior of Gen Z, Millennials, Gen X, and/or Boomers?

SCAACHI KOUL: Boomers want to be heard, Gen Xers want to be seen, Millennials want to be acknowledged, and Zoomers want to be ignored entirely.

EMBEDDED: Have you had posts go viral? What is that experience like?

SCAACHI KOUL: No. Please do not google me to confirm.

EMBEDDED: Who’s the coolest person who follows you?

SCAACHI KOUL: My niece. She’s 16, sprightly and funny and brutally self-aware and able to punch up with impressive and terrifying accuracy. She’s effortlessly cool and I am so afraid of her. Sometimes she likes my Instagram stories and it has the same chilling effect on me that an email from my boss saying “come see me” would have.

EMBEDDED: Who’s someone more people should follow?

SCAACHI KOUL: I’m really delighted by Nikita Dumptruck; she’s smart and snappy and analyzes complex geopolitical issues in a way that I understand but isn’t condescending. She seems like a delightful bitch and I hope the internet doesn’t dull that edge.

EMBEDDED: Are you into any podcasts right now? How and when do you usually listen?

SCAACHI KOUL: Mine! Scamfluencers! Every Monday!

EMBEDDED: How would you describe Tumblr’s legacy?

SCAACHI KOUL: ED inspiration and pictures of girls in skater skirts and flannel and wide-brim fedoras leaning against bright blue fixies.

EMBEDDED: What is your Wordle starting word?

SCAACHI KOUL: IRATE

EMBEDDED: Do any of your group chats have a name that you’re willing to share? What’s something that recently inspired debate in the chat?

SCAACHI KOUL: My cousins and I have a groupchat called Keeping Up With The Kashmiris. It’s mostly a clearing house for talking about how our parents are mentally ill.

EMBEDDED: What’s your go-to emoji, and what does it mean to you?

SCAACHI KOUL: My friend made one of the emoji bending over and pulling his cheeks apart so you can see his butthole. What? What’s wrong?? Why are you leaving!!!!!!

EMBEDDED: Do you text people voice notes? If not, how do you feel about getting them?

SCAACHI KOUL: I love a voice note—so intimate! Voice notes are for long stories that can only be articulated by speaking, something you could only trust a close friend with, someone who would only ever be delighted by hearing you talk for five minutes straight. It’s all a part of a long-held transition of oral storytelling! My “friend” Isaac Fitzgerald sends voice notes all the time, which I usually enjoy, until he starts sending ones that are three or five seconds long and just say things like “yeah, I agree.” I cannot explain how annoying I find this. It is an abuse of the long-held tradition of oral storytelling.

EMBEDDED: What’s your favorite non-social media app?

SCAACHI KOUL: Transit. It tells me when the subway is coming.

EMBEDDED: What’s the most basic internet thing that you love?

SCAACHI KOUL: Isn’t it cute that the Save icon is still a floppy disc? My niece asked me what it was once so now I’m saving for my own burial plot, which I should need any second now.

EMBEDDED: Is there any content you want but can’t seem to find anywhere online?

SCAACHI KOUL: There are five episodes of It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia, one of my favorite shows, considered so offensive that they’ve been pulled from streaming. How bad could those episodes be? It’s not like they did blackface over and over again or anything.

EMBEDDED: Do you regularly use eBay, Depop, or other shopping platforms? What’s a recent thing you’ve bought or sold?

SCAACHI KOUL: I like when stuff looks like other stuff so I bought a purse that looks like a brown paper bag on eBay. I think $30 is perfectly reasonable for it to look like I’m carrying around a wet ham sandwich everywhere. (Please don’t tell my mother I live like this.)

EMBEDDED: Is there a site you like for product recommendations? How do you decide, for example, which air filter to buy?

SCAACHI KOUL: Gee Thanks Just Bought It is the only place I seek consistent recommendations. Caroline Moss runs it, and she has immaculate taste which means I am always buying stuff I love. She is taking money out of my pocket every few weeks at this rate. She got me to buy one of those red-light face lasers, and worse, it really, really works. I hate her.

EMBEDDED: Have you recently read an article, book, or social media post about the internet that you’ve found particularly insightful?

SCAACHI KOUL: I really loved Lena Dunham’s new memoir, Famesick. Dunham remains an excellent writer, and this book is a testament to taking your time, logging off, and shutting the fuck up for a second. It was such a clarifying lesson on listening to your body and your heart, and refusing to submit to your own commodification. I need the reminder, all the time.

EMBEDDED: What’s the last thing that brought you joy online?

SCAACHI KOUL: What??

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Thanks Scaachi! Read her writing, buy her books, listen to her podcast, subscribe to her newsletter, and follow her on Instagram.

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