The advice column comes to TikTok

TikTok and Substack columnist Alexandra Hayes Robinson on therapy speak, people's most pressing problems in 2023, and more.

Embedded is your essential guide to what’s good on the internet, written by Kate Lindsay and edited by Nick Catucci.

If your question is, “How do I get my boyfriend to take better pictures of me?” then have I got the article for you. —Kate

Over the years, the “advice column” has taken many forms, from columns in newspapers and magazines to AITA on Reddit to

Ask E. Jean

on Substack. (

John Paul Brammer

’s ¡Hola Papi! has migrated across a few of them.) But the introduction of social media has radically changed the game. Followers can easily reach their favorite creators via comments, DMs, or Instagram’s own question feature and receive almost instant responses as simple as product recommendations or as complex as guidance on deep personal issues. 

This new, dynamic landscape—one where intimacy is as valued as expertise—is one that Alexandra Hayes Robinson is helping pioneer.

Known simply as “Hayes” on TikTok, the writer and content strategist quit her full-time job in December after growing a following with her personable, candid advice and her “Conversations With Hayes” series, which provides scripts for people anticipating uncomfortable conversations (“What do I do about a friend who’s become really hard to make plans with?”; “Can I ask somebody to pay for work I initially agreed to do for free?”; “What do you do when you tell your partner you love them and they don’t say it back?”). 

@hellohayesto me, this is a letter about how to come to terms with when a friend doesn’t see you as one of their VIPS — but you still see them as such. It’s so tough! #friendshipadvice #relationshipadvice #cancelledplans #lyingfriends #sixbestiestheory

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The Californian fell into this niche after a few personal stories she shared on the app ended up receiving good feedback. 

“I had always pitched doing advice columns at my past jobs and had been told no for many reasons, many of them valid, and it's really cool to be coming full circle,” she says over Zoom.  “And I do think I'm certainly trying to reinvent the advice column and I don't see a lot of people doing what I'm doing.”

Hayes pairs her TikTok with her

Hello Hayes

Substack, where she answers a question from her community every week. Later, she takes that same question to TikTok, where she reads out her response and interacts with commenters. 

I first took note of Hayes’s work because of her ability to immediately not just draw people in, but genuinely connect with them—no easy feat when your videos need to stand out on an endless FYP. While she originally left her full time job to write a novel, the success of her TikTok, with over 200,000 followers and counting, has opened entirely new doors. 

In this conversation for paid subscribers, we talk about why social media is becoming the new home of the advice column, how to navigate online feedback, and the problem people are struggling with most in 2023. 

When it comes to advice columns, why do you think people are turning to creators on social media? How does that provide something unique versus the typical written advice column format?