The new rules of Facebook Marketplace
“When I agree to purchase a heavy item from you, my boyfriend and I are about to pull up and have just the worst night of our lives.”
Embedded is your essential guide to what’s good on the internet, written by Kate Lindsay and edited by Nick Catucci.
My 27-year-old sister Julia has some of the more bizarre internet habits I’ve come across. When she sends me a Reel on Instagram, I literally delete the DM rather than open the message and risk exposing my algorithm to whatever yoni-egg-raw-carrot MLM content she wants me to laugh with her at.
When she’s not poisoning her brain on Instagram, Julia scrolls Facebook Marketplace. For fun. She frequently interrupts our group chats by sending links to weird items or bizarrely-constructed posts she’s come across, like a photo of a couch for sale that also just, like, has a guy sitting on it.
Since it’s hard to find anyone who feels strongly about anything involving Facebook these days, I asked Julia if she’d be interested in writing about it for Embedded for a crisp $100. She countered instead with my dogsitting for her in August. Deal. —Kate
In 2024, there’s only one reason you’ll find me logging into Facebook: Facebook Marketplace. The platform’s answer to Craigslist is a beautiful world of seemingly accessible furniture curated by the like-minded weirdos living in your surrounding neighborhoods. There’s a sweet satisfaction in searching for the perfect item, putting in the hours of energy to collect your haul, and gazing upon it triumphantly in its new space amongst the other items in your sad little home. For that, Facebook Marketplace has become a routine stopover for me while perusing the various applications available to me on my phone. It is also, unfortunately, the most annoying place I’ve ever been.
Like any typical business transaction, exchanges on Facebook Marketplace require a buyer and a seller. Unlike a typical business transaction, the buyers and sellers are your immediate neighbors and simply deluded about the value of their objects and what constitutes normal social behavior. After six years of using Marketplace, watching the platform become more and more saturated with West Elm coffee tables and IKEA armchairs, I’d like to call a time out, and offer a series of rules that, going forward, will make the experience, if not pleasant, at least not so frequently unsettling.
Post real images.
Let’s start off with something easy, something I think we can all agree on: Do not just slap some Amazon stock images on your listing and think I’m going to buy it. We all deserve honest and up-front communication here, and honestly this type of marketing is a waste of everyone’s time. If you’re going to post a listing, do us all a favor and get your ass up and work.
Price it to move.
This is the cardinal, and perhaps most controversial, of my rules. Price your item to move. Facebook Marketplace is not a tool for recouping 80 percent of the money lost by going all-in on D2C homegoods, the bulk of which have since lost whatever je ne sais quoi they once held for you. No, no. Facebook Marketplace is for self-flagellation, for owning up to one’s mistakes. Your neighbors pay you both in Venmo and in energy, and let’s not disrespect the latter of these payments here. If we’re being honest, at least 40 percent of the listings on Marketplace have been created to spare the seller the unbearable experience of carrying the item down their own stairs. At least, that’s why I’m listing them.
With this mutual gain acknowledged, I do not care what condition your CB2/West Elm/Article couch is in. I am not paying you $800. When I agree to purchase a heavy item from you, my boyfriend and I are about to pull up and have just the worst night of our lives. We’re going to be fighting for our future over the course of two or three flights of stairs. The least you could do? Take the honest hit.
No negotiating.
This is a mistake I often see, and I think it’s important we talk frankly about this as a community of respectful individuals. As a seller, I’ve priced my item exactly as I understand it to be worth. I know I’ve priced it correctly because I’ve been a buyer before. I’ve stood in your shoes. I know that your $10 negotiation is not about the item. It serves only to bolster a feeling of false independence and entrepreneurship that is, frankly, gross. I stand to lose everything in this (my integrity) and you stand to gain very little ($10, give or take). I’ve priced my item to move, I’ve given you the photos, the decision is yours.
DTR or move along
With the above understood, let’s talk about making that offer. We’ve all received the message Facebook auto-suggests when reaching out about an item: “Hi, [name] is this still available?” I’m here to tell you to stop this. There’s a myriad of absurdities about this one, most importantly that you cannot purchase any item without the seller’s buy-in. If this were unavailable, why would it be listed? If this is available, what’s your intention? I’d hazard a guess it’s to buy it, which is why it would save both of us time for you to instead hop immediately into my inbox with an “I’m interested in this, when would you be looking for someone to pick it up?” Golden. I know where we stand now, and I have something to work with. Define the relationship, or move along.
Don’t ask me to help you
As a seller, I’m pricing my item to move because I’ve factored in the effort that goes into pick up. Do not, under any circumstances, think that I am interested in helping you carry this table down the stairs. I would wager that most sellers would rather wait a day for your friend to be available than spend today helping a stranger maneuver a large object. And if it will be impossible for you to phone a friend, you need to ask for help up front lest you create a hostile work environment by showing up to my apartment alone.
Never accept Zelle
Goes without saying: You’re getting scammed. Never accept Zelle.
This is SO good, I felt this with every ounce of my chest. I have so so so many feelings about Facebook marketplace and this just nailed all of them perfectly.
Fantastic. This should be required reading for everyone before you ever look at anything on Marketplace. A couple of other rules I would add:
1. If you schedule a time to pick up an item you should actually show up or at least text a good reason why you can’t. if you have preemptive buyers remorse say so.
2. Don’t say you want an item and then refuse to take it because it’s not brand new. Used is literally the only thing on offer here.