Oh, I’m so, so sorry for what you’re going through. A nightmare.
That is the primitive brain. It’s trying to keep you safe. It doesn’t want you to hurt because that would mean expending energy and not being able to run from lions on the veldt. It’s unreasonable and relentless and so well meaning and so wrong.
Please adopt more cats. You are the perfect pet parent. This post made me cry because I could feel your love for Ruby in it.
Thank you for your honesty and for writing this for all of us.
PS.S. My cat was supposed to have his teeth cleaned and I was so wary of it and now I will be doubly wary of it.
I commented on your earlier post saying that I'd love your thoughts on living with OCD in the age of social media; I still welcome that essay, but I hope you know that this one resonated even more. My OCD manifests this way too -- I am never not thinking about my dog's mortality and worried that I'm going to do something to jeopardize him. I am so sorry to know that you are living through this specific nightmare.
As other commenters have already articulated far better, we must recognize that our actions do not impact whatever fate, or whatever other forces exist in the universe, have in store. What we can control is the everyday life we give the animals we love, and by all accounts you made Ruby's life, unfairly short as it was, worth it.
You gave her three years of delicious food and dedicated healthcare and, infinitely more importantly, so much love and safety. I'd take that over a longer-but-unhappy life every time.
I experienced my first pet loss in the era of chain emails, and my grandma forwarded one to me shortly after we said goodbye to my beloved terrier that has never left me, despite the fact that it was written in size 26 purple Comic Sans. The crux of the story in the email was that a little boy is talking to a vet after his dog is put down, and says (paraphrasing here): "People are born so that we can figure out how to life a good life and be happy and kind to others. Dogs already know how to do that, so they don't have to stay as long."
Hokey, sure, but maybe that's what it all boils down to. Maybe animals already have the tools that we spend our whole lives seeking out, and our noble purpose is to give these magical little creatures a soft place to land. You did that. Be kind to yourself.
Kate I’m so sorry. I’m no stranger to this exact kind of OCD — it’s a constant background noise that can be overwhelming. And even more cruel that our worst fears and realities can overlap. All your cats have been lucky to land you, and live fully loved lives.
Oh, Kate. I am so sorry. You are a wonderful pet parent and none of this is fair — but your kitties have all been so lucky to have you. Please give Partner an extra scritch from me.
Kate, your soulfulness and love for your feline family members is illuminating. It has made me feel very appreciative of my own two feline roommates. I wish that I and my clutter could absorb some of your grief.
Oh, I’m so, so sorry for what you’re going through. A nightmare.
That is the primitive brain. It’s trying to keep you safe. It doesn’t want you to hurt because that would mean expending energy and not being able to run from lions on the veldt. It’s unreasonable and relentless and so well meaning and so wrong.
Please adopt more cats. You are the perfect pet parent. This post made me cry because I could feel your love for Ruby in it.
Thank you for your honesty and for writing this for all of us.
PS.S. My cat was supposed to have his teeth cleaned and I was so wary of it and now I will be doubly wary of it.
I commented on your earlier post saying that I'd love your thoughts on living with OCD in the age of social media; I still welcome that essay, but I hope you know that this one resonated even more. My OCD manifests this way too -- I am never not thinking about my dog's mortality and worried that I'm going to do something to jeopardize him. I am so sorry to know that you are living through this specific nightmare.
As other commenters have already articulated far better, we must recognize that our actions do not impact whatever fate, or whatever other forces exist in the universe, have in store. What we can control is the everyday life we give the animals we love, and by all accounts you made Ruby's life, unfairly short as it was, worth it.
You gave her three years of delicious food and dedicated healthcare and, infinitely more importantly, so much love and safety. I'd take that over a longer-but-unhappy life every time.
I experienced my first pet loss in the era of chain emails, and my grandma forwarded one to me shortly after we said goodbye to my beloved terrier that has never left me, despite the fact that it was written in size 26 purple Comic Sans. The crux of the story in the email was that a little boy is talking to a vet after his dog is put down, and says (paraphrasing here): "People are born so that we can figure out how to life a good life and be happy and kind to others. Dogs already know how to do that, so they don't have to stay as long."
Hokey, sure, but maybe that's what it all boils down to. Maybe animals already have the tools that we spend our whole lives seeking out, and our noble purpose is to give these magical little creatures a soft place to land. You did that. Be kind to yourself.
I am so sorry for your loss! I am also the owner of a very chirpy, chatty little black void. Thinking of you and of Ruby <3
Kate I’m so sorry. I’m no stranger to this exact kind of OCD — it’s a constant background noise that can be overwhelming. And even more cruel that our worst fears and realities can overlap. All your cats have been lucky to land you, and live fully loved lives.
Oh no!!! I’m so sorry. A perfect angel. Keeping you in my thoughts
So sorry, Kate. Such a big loss and a big weight to carry. I'll keep Ruby and Partner and you in my thoughts.
I'm so sorry for your loss, Kate. This is devastating and horrible, and I'm so sorry this happened to you.
Oh, Kate. I am so sorry. You are a wonderful pet parent and none of this is fair — but your kitties have all been so lucky to have you. Please give Partner an extra scritch from me.
Kate, your soulfulness and love for your feline family members is illuminating. It has made me feel very appreciative of my own two feline roommates. I wish that I and my clutter could absorb some of your grief.
I’m so sorry for your loss, she was beautiful